The Day is finally here!

First day riding on the bus to school like a big girl!

I imagined this day would be so painful... I imagined I would be crying my eyes out behind my sunglasses whereas she would be going to the bus with a smile on her face. It was not exactly like that today.I was at peace.

She was excited and a little afraid after getting on the bus, but she managed to let go of my hand and walked bravely towards the seat she had been assigned next to other Kindergartners. Part of me being calm had to do with the fact that beyond the bus ride, the symbolism of her leaving us to walk on her own feet had already been lost as she started school last week. The first day, we walked with her holding her hand. We met her teacher Ms. Bridgens and we left her as happy as one can be. The second day Carlos dropped her off  at the door and someone from school escorted her to her classroom. Now she says she actually does not need anyone to walk her in. She can do it, because she is a big girl!  On top of this, I have been able to communicate with the Ms. Bridgens, her teacher, almost on a daily basis and Bianca has come home happy about school and adores her Teacher.

Ms. Bridgens and Miss B so excited to show her the mirror she was carrying!

But it was not only that.

In the truth, I started to prepare myself for this day, the day she started VPK . And that process actually culminated with the week she finally graduated.

In the graduation ceremony she was so very happy that I actually managed to control myself and only wept a little bit as the principal  of Primrose opened the ceremony. The rest of the ceremony turned out to be a blast. It was so gratifying to see her so happy and so confident dancing and singing from the top of her lungs on that stage and making her thumbs up sign after each song much to the delight of the audience and,of course, to ours  - her very proud parents. The night ended sweetly with her thanking me for the flowers we had bought her as we walked back to the car.

Happy as happy can be!

Dancing Away!

Giving her thumbs up!



She was so happy to receive her diploma from Mr. Chonaswksi



That entire week  outside of the ceremony, however, was so hard. It was very painful to see her give hugs and say her goodbyes to her beloved teacher Ms. Kuhn and her friends who would be going to different Summer camps.



Saying her goodbyes to Ms. Kuhn



All of that emotion came out all at once as I watched the video Ms. Kuhn had put together. One of the moms had already mentioned how special it was, but I was still not prepared to what I was about to see. Beyond the pictures shown since she joined Primrose at. 2.5 years old and the soft background music, precious moments of her life started playing on my head. The day she was born so tiny and pink. The day I first fed her with solid food and she crashed on the high chair. The day she took her first steps to our neighbor Christina at Christmas day. The reports I received complaining she had bitten kids that were in her way. The day we celebrated her first birthday with a big bash. The day she jumped off her crib and we only heard her when she was by our bed. Her joy after scoring goals at soccer. Her angelic voice singing Happy Birthday Jesus solo. The first time I realized she could read some words. Her first playdate on her own with Emily. And the images go on and on!

It was a lot to take in and I was sobbing even after the video was over. In that moment, I think I let it all go and was at peace with her going to go to Kindergarten and riding on the bus… on her own...

In the end, however, what wiped away all negative feelings was to see a  huge smile on her face today as she got out of the bus to come home and to later hear her say later during the day and in her thankful prayers at bedtime: “Mommy, I’m really happy I got to ride the bus today!”

Getting off the bus!

Tina

Last July we had a Chinese Exchange Student for 3 weeks. Even though her stay was not all rosy, the balance was a very good experience for Bianca.

I say it was not all rosy maybe because as being an well-behaved ex Exchange Student myself before, I expected nothing but good behavior. Only I forgot three things: she comes from a complete different culture, she is not from the Rotary whose program is highly selective and she is not 17, she is 12 only!

Tina Ding (Yuchen) is a  12 year old from Tangshan, an only child as Bianca. Tina is sweet and treated Bianca as her little sister right away. However, with the honeymoon phase over in week 2, of course, no one is perfect, we could also see the typical teenage rebellious side of hers coming out. The teenager who likes to do as she wishes, who is upset because she wished she had $3,000 to go shopping, who wants to wear sassy stuff inappropriate to her age  and who wanted to be in her bedroom by herself listening to Bieber.

Contrarily, Bianca never acted like a spoiled only daughter. Never had tantrums of any sort, she was glad to share her TV time and in fact was always chasing Tina to play with her. This for me was a huge deal.

She learned with Tina how to count in Mandarin till 5 and she even told us she already knew how to count till 3 thanks to the Ni-Hao Kailan cartoon!

Tina left after three weeks and, frankly, it  was relief in a sense to being back to normality, to our own little family of 3. But we miss her too at times. I will forever remember being asked if she could call me “Mom”, riding in the car with Bianca and her singing ‘Firework’ by Katy Perry from top of our lungs (she mentioned in her email to me today too),  how the three of us together saved a stubborn turtle or the big hug I got after solving her “sexy shirt” malfunction.

Quem Ama Educa

Dois livros publicados recentemente geraram muita polemica: “Tiger Mom” da Amy
Chua e, do outro lado do espectro: “Bring up Bebe” da Pamela Druckerman.

Cada livro fala da approach da mae chinesa e da mae francesa em criar seus filhos e, no segundo caso, constrastando com as maes americanas.

Sei que ha perigo nas generalizacoes feitas em cada caso. De um modo geral, acredito que haja vantagens e desvantagens nos modos de educar de cada pais. Por exemplo, aprecio a disciplina chinesa, mas condeno a tortura a que essas criancas sao submetidas (i.e. o tal castigo de sentar no piano ate acertar nas notas). Acho que as maes francesas ensinam as criancas a se comportarem socialmente desde cedo, mas por outro lado sao um pouco egoistas. Enquanto que as americanas se preocupam em fazer atividades com as criancas, mas pecam pelo excesso de “praising” e total falta de limites.

Cada uma faz o que pensa ser certo para o seu filho, nao sou diferente. Erro e acerto diariamente, sou longe de perfeita. Ha uma porcao de mae chinesa, francesa, americana e brasileira em mim que tenta acertar focando no futuro e procurando ver o impacto que a disciplina que imponho hoje tera na vida da minha filha quando adulta.

Por exemplo, procuro ensinar disciplina, responsabilidade e commitment no que a minha filha faz, minha porcao Tiger Mom. Lembro-me de ter conversado com ela durante o torneio de futebol quando ela estava meio disciplicente falando que ela tinha que terminar o que a gente se propoe a fazer. O desempenho dela depois de nossa conversa mudou completamente e a vi de novo vibrando, correndo atras da bola com vontade. Entretanto, jamais iria forcar ela e praticar esporte a, b ou c ou tocar instrumento musical a, b ou c. Dou as opcoes para ela experimentar de tudo e no futuro ter poder de escolher o caminho dela.

Aplaudo o envolvimento das maes americanas na educacao do seus filhos. Acredito em mae presente que faz atividades com seus filhos, leem a noite e brincam com eles no lugar de lhes entregar a babas 24/7, como vejo alguns casos no Brasil. Mas isso nao quer dizer que vou estar deixar de viver ou ter o meu “me time”. Acho que porque os pais sao tao presentes aqui terminam por cobrar muito dos filhos no futuro e terminam por ficar sobrecarregados e impacientes porque nao procuram ter um tempo para si.

Ja a mae brasileira (e francesa) em mim me forcou a ensinar a Bianca a se comportar socialmente desde cedo, a ter bons modos e saber que nao eh  o centro do universo. E ainda que limites existem por um motivo. Isso para mim eh uma missao, ate porque sou mae de filha unica.

Acredito que “Nao” eh necessario e nao traz trauma a crianca nenhuma. Dificil eh ensinar bons modos e estabelecer limites rotineiramente e facil deixar eles fazerem tudo que desejam e se comportarem como selvagens dentro e fora de casa sob o argumento que “sao criancas” ou que “they are experimenting” , como escutei de uma vizinha sobre o filho de 3 anos que quebrou uma TV plasma a cotoveladas. Ja outra mae de uma crianca da escolinha da Bianca me contou final de semana passado com a maior naturalidade que a filha teria rasgado o papel de parede do proprio quarto porque decidiu que era muito infantil e a mae concordou e ate ajudou a tirar o resto! Ou mesmo outra que enche as portas e vidros do carro da mae de adesivos.
Trauma tera a crianca que nao tem limites e acha que vai sempre conseguir o que quer na vida e nunca ser repreendida se comportando do jeito que deseja, porque assim foi em casa desde cedo. Nao desejo ser a mae estrita que a foi a minha mae que so procurou acertar, mas tampouco sou a ex-vizinha que deixa os filhos "experimentarem". Assim, me sinto uma E.T. quando recebo criancas na minha casa e vejo elas aprontando o que jamais permitiria Bianca  fazer em casa e muito menos na casa dos outros. E sobretudo quando vejo a total falta de controle que a grande maioria dos pais daqui tem sobre os filhos. Isso nao eh amor, eh conveniencia. Quem ama educa...